this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
