So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
