just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
