Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
