Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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