if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
