I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize