if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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