we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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