his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
