I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
