i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
