Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
