that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
