Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
