my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
