No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
