Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
