sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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