We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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