How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They have beer where we have blood.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
