Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
