I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
