He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
