Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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