I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think i got beer on your cat.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
