all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
