I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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