you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize