Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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