Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
