She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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