At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
