I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
