I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
