I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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