respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
