I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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