Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
