I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
