I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
