Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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