Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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