You're so nebulous sometimes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
