the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
