hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize