I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Life is so much better after having sex.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
