haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
