Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
