oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize