My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
