Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
