with your own penis?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize