my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
