so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's the barista slut.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
