I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
