My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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