seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
