We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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