In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize