If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
