Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
