Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you win again, gameday.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
