I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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