theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize