This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
