i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
