i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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