I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
