I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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