you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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