So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
