Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is Oprah even human
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
