High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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