I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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