Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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