things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
