mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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