you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
