Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize