He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
