doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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