my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
