I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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