I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
