Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize