I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
