Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
