just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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