Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
