Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize