i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
