dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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