When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
