We won't sleep together?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
