Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
