If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
