Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pappa wants mamma naked
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
