My room smells like vodka and shame
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
