I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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