It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
