after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I will pee on everything he values.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
