He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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